14th November, 2016
With an estimated net worth of $300 million, the Kardashian family isn’t likely to be looking down the back of the couch for coins anytime soon.
Internationally successful thanks to their reality TV show Keeping Up With the Kardashians, as well as individual family members’ clothing lines, fragrances, endorsements, other reality programs and celebrity marriages, the Kardashian clan (or should that be ‘klan’?) sure knows how to make a buck.
Want success like theirs? Why not try running your business like a Kardashian?
Profits down? Blame Swifty.
Trouble with the tax department? Blame Swifty.
Sure it’ll be nothing to do with her, but if she ever replies you can retweet it from here to Christmas and then claim she’s part of your “business network”.
Take your cue from Kim Kardashian’s penchant for posting saucy pics of herself on social media by photocopying your bum and using the result as the backdrop for inspirational business memes you can put up on the wall.
If ever you’re running a meeting and feel like you’re “losing the room”, loosen your clothing, uncork a bottle of champagne and ask “Who wants to help me break the internet?”
To create a more motivated and enthusiastic office culture, plan your meetings like A-list parties.
Provide food and drink, a red carpet, live music performances and Kanye West if possible. Beats the hell out of those catch-me-I’m-falling trust exercises.
Have the paparazzi “intrude” on your employees. Nothing like picking your nose at your desk with the distinct feeling you’re being photographed by a long-range lens (then seeing the pictures stuck up on the wall in the kitchen afterwards).
Give your entire office the Kardashian treatment and cover your computer screen, coffee machine, water cooler and even your stapler in false eyelashes.
At first glance it will look like you’re under attack from little black caterpillars, but all beauty is suffering, right?
Take beauty and hairdressing staff everywhere.
If you’re a micro-business, this is a smooth strategic move because it’ll make you look heaps bigger and more important than you actually are (see, it’s not your size, it’s how you use it).
Talk incessantly about your “people” – as in, “I’ll have my people contact your people”.
Who cares if your “people” consist solely of yourself and the bookkeeper who comes in for half a day on Tuesdays? Make everyone think you’re a Kardashian-sized empire.
Deal with any company crisis by getting you and your part-time bookkeeper a mani/pedi.
Sure, you’re about to be comprehensively audited, but that shade of pink is just so cuuuuuute!
When all else fails, raise morale by putting Ks into words that don’t need Ks. Kome on, everyone: I’m shouting klunch!